by Bad and Blues
This is something that girls do.
Surrounded by mere shapes and dim browns, I lay in a room lit by eternal night. Fresh violation gripping my nostrils and alleged comfort of my violator laying beside me. Older brother, the only tour guide a young aspiring boy wished to have. Older brother, the demise of reality.
There is no happy ending. The screams are wrapped tight in my chest clutching at my lungs, taking each last breath. Alas, a cadaver perfected for sexual abduction. My transformation becomes complete as words heard become a jumble of commands wired with the lust to destroy and dismantle. Disengaged.
Blank and compliant, but my dance is missing its strings. My briefs seemed to have been off over an hour, but I only just notice. Wanted to be just like big brother right?
“I don’t want to do that. No, really, I don’t.
I guess it’s fine.
please don’t tell ma or pa.”
Obedience to my father becomes lost across distant timelines as I spread a warm taste across barren, lifeless, aroused penis. His penis is bigger than the one I have. Is that how I’m gonna look one day? Is this how I’m gonna look one day? Out of the lasting smell that haunts me black smudges of what can only be hair and sweat appear. The room’s remaining lights lead to the event horizon to which no man could ever escape. A child can only dream. The reflection of his skin blinds me as I am held in this immortal moment only a devil may create.
Any moment now, I know my parents will come to wake me up for school, but school was a full night’s sleep ahead. There is no happy ending. There is only pain and betrayal. And I scream to the world though it fails to reach even my own ears. I am completely alone. The boy who cried silence.
My eyes open to the pressure of the mattress meeting the skin no longer mine. Only a forest green hue of the alarm clock silver lines my periphery and the shapes have become a deadly black. A warmth of the coldest variety sinks into my organs while a creature of this world lay asleep beside me.
“That is something that girls do,” spoke the ether. But I am a boy.