Global Warming

by Bob Hayett

Spunky Jackass’ Burning Desire Makes Red-Hot Mule Gas

The controversy concerning global warming, or climate change debate, continues to intensify. One of the most controversial aspects is how animal flatus affects the Earth’s atmosphere. Cattle, horses and donkeys are said to be major contributors to greenhouse gases. A recent study adds fuel to the debate (no pun intended).

It obviously is difficult to quantify an exact amount of methane (greenhouse gas) that animals contribute to the atmosphere on an annual basis. It is even more difficult to accurately determine how this affects the Earth’s temperature. Of course there is even a debate among scientists if the Earth’s temperature is in fact rising. For example, while Arctic ice has been melting in recent years, Antarctic ice has been increasing. Also, if man’s activities are contributing to global warming, why has the temperature of Mars been increasing in the same proportion as the Earth’s temperature increase?

Knowing these questions present difficult and complex answers, some scientists have taken a much different approach. Take for example the work of Dr. Myron Hyman of Haifa University. Dr. Hyman studies individual animals. He has made extensive studies of a donkey. “Hotey is a cooperative little donkey” explains Dr. Hyman. “We have been studying all aspects of a donkey’s life. We can take the data from the donkey Hotey and extrapolate it to the entire population of world donkeys.”

An aspect of a donkey’s life that may be of particular relevance to global climate change is its sex life. “We wish to find the exact nature of mule gas as it pertains to changes in its life cycle. We have found that the donkey Hotey, for example, has a steady release of flatulents during most of its life. However it is during mating that there is noted a sharp increase in the amount of greenhouse mule gas and also the mule gas itself rises in temperature. When it comes to global warming we now know definitively that a spunky jackass’ burning desire makes red-hot mule gas” explains Dr. Hyman.

Dr. Hyman is now testing a llama. Since llamas are native to South America it may be of significance to the increase in the Antarctic sea ice. “Our testing on the llama Dolly shows a significant decrease in llama gas (compared to mule gas) and almost no temperature increase of Dolly’s llama gas during mating” explains Dr. Hyman. “These findings lead us to speculate that genetic hybridization of donkeys and llamas could lead to significant reductions in greenhouse gases. However we are not sure if this would also lower the temperature of Mars.”

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